Calgary, February 2022
John wanted to save the world. He hoped to be remembered as a hero who saved our planet, but the question was, how to do it? John knew that the world is facing many grave dangers: nuclear war, asteroid impact, global warming, just to name a few. But he also knew that, as an accountant, he couldn’t do anything about nuclear war or asteroid impact. However, he could do something about global warming. He can reduce his “carbon footprint,” as they say nowadays. John already have done all the usual recommendations: he drove a little Honda, insulated his home as much as he could, and in winter he was turning down the heating so much that he and his wife Mary were freezing. Therefore, his only option was to stop eating meet, because raising cattle is bad for the environment. He will become vegetarian, will eat the reduced carbon footprint diet, and will write a book about it. The book will become a bestseller, everybody will follow his advice and the future generations will say: “It was John Smith who taught us how to save the world.”
“And who is going to cook all these vegetarian dishes? It takes much longer than cooking normal food. If you want to save the world, you are on your own,” said Mary.
“Don’t worry, I will develop a perfect vegetarian diet, even you will like it.”
To start his new reduced carbon footprint lifestyle, John got himself a vegetarian cookbook and bought the ingrediencies in a vegetarian food store. Then he spent most of the weekend in the kitchen learning how to become a vegetarian cook. Mary was watching him and was wondering how long his enthusiasm will last. She didn’t expect more than few days but was surprised that one week later he was still at it.
“John, your new diet is not good for you. Your body needs more than just vegies,” she said.
“You are wrong, Mary. Being vegetarian is very healthy and will make me strong. You will see.”
To prove his point, John joined the local YMCA and, right after work, went exercising. Mary couldn’t believe it. John, who was too lazy to go even for a little walk, went to the gym exercising.
John didn’t like his workouts but wanted to prove Mary wrong. In the gym he was lifting weights, running on the treadmill, climbing the Stairmaster and similar. Most of the time he was out of breath and sweating profoundly. But, to his surprise, he slowly got used to his new routine. He became friends with the other health enthusiasts, especially with a slim, young woman who seemed to be there all the time.
“Hello, you seem to be a regular customer here,” said John to initiate the conversation.
“Yes, just like you. Are you trying to lose weight as everybody?”
“No. I am a vegetarian, and my wife thinks that it will make me weak. I want to prove her wrong. By the way, my name is John.”
“Diana, pleased to meet you. I am also a vegetarian, but I don’t have to prove anything to anybody. I live alone and I go here just to pass the time.”
John was impressed. Diana was also vegetarian, was slim, young, and lived alone. John started to have impure thoughts.
“Why are you a vegetarian?” he asked her one day after their exercise.
“They say it is good for the environment.”
“Oh, so you are an environmentalist. I also want to save the world.”
They both laughed, but then John got an idea.
“Why don’t we save the world together?” he asked.
“And how do you propose to do that?”
“By reducing the consumption of hot water.”
“How?”
“By showering together.”
That was bit radical for Diana.
“There are no shared showers here,” she said.
“Not here, in your apartment. You said you live alone.
“And what about your wife?”
“She doesn’t have to know.”
That didn’t sound right, and Diana didn’t like it.
“You know John, I don’t think it is a good idea. I don’t want to be a cause of your marriage breakdown.”
They left it at that, but when Diana came home, she started to think about it. It was a long time she was with a man, and she was lonely. Shower with John wouldn’t be too bad, and who knows what else could develop after. Whit this in mind, next time they met at the gym, she told him:
“OK John, I will go along with your idea.”
John was surprised. He suggested it more as a joke but since Diana agreed, he wasn’t going to waste the opportunity. He told Mary that he decided to extend his exercise time and that he will be coming home later, but Mary didn’t believe it. John wasn’t a health freak. There must be something more to it. Therefore, when John started coming home late, she decided to investigate, and called the YMCA office.
“Hello, I need to talk to John Smith, it is urgent,”
“He already left,” replied a male voice.
“He left? When?”
“About half an hour ago. He left with Diana.”
“Who is Diana?”
“I thought she is his girlfriend.”
“OK, can you give me her phone number?”
“We are not allowed to do that.”
“Look, it is really urgent. There was a fire in our house, and it destroyed his computer and burned all his accounting document. He might lose his job because of it.”
“OK, her number is …”
Mary waited few minutes and then called once more.
“Hello, it is me again. I called the number, but there was no answer. Can you give me her address?”
“You know I am not allowed to do that, but I understand your emergency. Just don’t tell anybody that I gave it to you.” Then he gave her Diana’s address.
Mary didn’t waste any time, drove to the given address, and rang the bell at Diana’s door. After a long time, a woman opened. She wore a bathrobe, and it was obvious that she just stepped out of the shower.
“You must be Diana, correct?”
“Yes, what can I do for you?”
“I have to talk urgently with John. There was a fire in our apartment and all his accounting is destroyed.”
“John, your wife is here,” Diane shouted. “There was an emergency in your house.”
John run out of the bathroom with only a towel round his waist. When he saw Mary, he looked terrified.
“What happened?” he asked.
“Nothing. So, this is your extended exercise time.”
“No, no, it is not what you think. We were just trying to save some hot water.”
“Keep on saving it. You can come tomorrow to pick up your things.”
With that Mary turned round, slammed the door, and left. John got dressed as fast as he could and run down to catch up with her.
“Mary, listen, I can explain everything!”
I don’t know if Mary listened to John or if she kicked him out of their apartment. I even don’t know if they stayed married, but I know one thing for sure. By showering with Diana, John didn’t save the world.