Calgary, March 2022
John didn’t need anybody’s advice. He knew he was always right. To be fair to John, he was sometimes right. As an owner a successful but dishonest company called Spotless, some of his decisions must have been right. The company was providing cleaning services to private homes and offices, and consisted of John, his accountant Martin, and a group of cleaning ladies available to do the work. The problem was, John was greedy and didn’t like paying taxes. Frequently he offered lower price to customers who paid in cash.
“Don’t do that. One day it will blow up,” warned him Martin.
“Don’t worry, I know what I am doing.”
This kind of cheating is nothing new in cleaning industry, but there is a reasonable limit. John was way pass that limit. Another problem was, John was a miser.
“Why are you so stingy? I have to ask you for every single dollar,” his wife Mary kept complaining.
“Times are tough, I cannot waste money.”
Mary knew it wasn’t true. The demand for cleaning services was high, other companies did well and there was no reason why John should struggle. Mary was getting more and more annoyed with John. They had three teenagers, age fourteen to eighteen, and teenagers cost money. Especially the youngest, David, had expensive tastes. Like all the boys of his age, he was obsessed with computers and computer-based gadgets.
“I really need the Android Drawing Tablet. It is only $289.95, and it does everything,” David was begging his mom.
“Talk to your dad. You know what he will say.”
David knew it. But he was a smart boy and wanted to use computers for more than just playing. For example, for braking into other people’s accounts. The opportunity for that came sooner than he thought.
As I mentioned, Mary was unhappy, and one day she had a particularly nasty fight with John.
“I know you are hiding money. Why? To pay prostitutes?” Mary was yelling.
“You don’t know what you are talking about. You know nothing about earning money. You only know how to spend it,” John was yelling back.
Next day Mary asked David: “Do you still want that computer gadget?”
“Yes, very much so.”
“I might be able to get it for you, but you would have to earn it. I want you to break into dad’s company account and send me his accounting files.”
David was happy to comply, for him it will be fun. First, he did a bit of spying. He suddenly shoved a great interest in his dad’s company and asked all kinds of questions about how it was run, who did the accounting, where were the files stored and similar. John was happy that at least one member of his family shoved interest in his work and gladly answered all David’s questions. Then came the hacking part of David’s assignment. Google provides hundreds of answers to the question “how to hack into someone’s account,” and David was a fast learner. It didn’t take long before the Spotless accounting files appeared in Mary’s e-mail.
“Can I get my Drawing Tablet now?” was David’s first question after his mission was accomplished.
“Soon. I hope soon.”
Mary compared the accounting files with the tax returns and found out how much was John hiding from the Internal Revenue Service. With that information she went to the office of the company accountant.
“Hello Martin, how are you?” started Mary innocently.
“Good. What can I do for you?”
“I want to have a little chat.”
“About what?”
“About your accounting.”
“What about it?”
“This.” Mary took out an envelope and showed Martin the accounting files and tax returns.
“How did you get that?” blurted out Martin.
“Never mind how I got it. If I send it to IRS, you and John would be in big trouble, correct? There would be a huge fine, maybe even a prison term, and your accounting career would be ruined.”
“I am still waiting for the ‘but’” replied Martin.
“But I don’t want to do that. I want to propose a deal.”
“What deal?”
“If I become an owner of the company, you can stay and you can keep half of the hidden money. But there will be no more cheating on taxes.”
“And how do you propose to become the owner of the company?”
“By blackmailing John, the same way as I am blackmailing you now. Also, if John would want to sue me, you will be my witness.”
Martin was thinking about it. Not that he wouldn’t have a choice. The files were obviously obtained illegally, therefor inadmissible in a court of justice. If Martin wanted, he could reply to Mary’s blackmail by saying something like this: “Darling, it wouldn’t work. If you send those files to IRS, I will charge you with breaking into a private company's account and request those illegally obtained documents to be delated. You will end up being charged with a computer fraud,” but Martin didn’t say that. Mary promised him half of the hidden money and that would substantially improve his standard of living. “OK, I go along with that” he said.
Few days later similar conversation took place in John’s house. When Mary confronted him with the evidence, his first question, just like Martin’s, was: "How did you get that?”
“Martin gave it to me.”
John didn’t believe it. There was no reason for Martin betraying him like that. Then he remembered David’s sudden interest in his company.
“It was David. He broke into my account. Why?”
“Because you didn’t buy him this Android Drawing Tablet for $289.95”
John was devastated. His own son betreyed him for something which cost less than $300.
“What will you do now?” John asked. “If you send it to IRS, there will be a huge fine which would ruin the company. We will lose all our income.”
“That is why I am not sending it to IRS. I want you to transfer the company to me; we get a divorce, and you leave this house. To make it less painful, you can keep one of those hidden accounts which has about $100,000 in it. That will get you a new start.”
John didn’t have much choice. He couldn’t charge Mary with a computer fraught because Martin would testify that he gave her the files.
“You are an evil woman, Mary.”
“And you are a failed dictator. For years you tormented us with your stinginess. Now, if you don’t do what I said, you end up in jail.”
John did what Mary said and yes, he was a failed dictator. The reason for his failure was that he didn’t read a book, appropriately called The dictator’s handbook, written by Bruce Mesquita and Alastair Smith. If he read it, he would know that every dictator must take care of his supporters and buy the loyalty of those on which he depends. In John’s case his supporters were his family and he depended on Martin, who did his accounting. If John would have bought the Android Drawing Tablet for $289.95, David wouldn’t brake into his account. Similarly, if John offered half of the hidden money to Martin, like Mary did, Martin would stay loyal to him. Therefore, I advise all the would-be dictators, Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin included: Buy the book! It is available on Kindle for only $11.99.
P.S. David got the Android Drawing Tablet for $289.95. His mom bought it for him.