Calgary, December 2021
Maria was a difficult woman. She was born to a deeply religious, Catholic parents who lived in a deeply religious, Catholic village. Because of her parents’ religion, Maria had many brothers and sisters. It would be a lie to say that she was a desired child. In fact, she was one child too many and it didn’t help to be a girl. Now her father will have to start saving for a dowry.
Since her early age Maria had to work at her parents’ farm. Picking crops, helping with farm animals, milking, cleaning stables and feeding, all those were her duties from the early age. School was of little importance because, as everybody knows, women get married, have children and for that there is no need for education. As Maria was growing, she saw all that and didn’t like it. The prospect of being a slave to some nasty, violent man was disgusting.
“I will never get married,” she told her mom after watching yet another violent outburst of her dad.
“Don’t tell that to your father, he will be furious. He cannot wait to get rid of you.”
“I am definitely not going to get married,” she repeated.
Maria was now sixteen and her father couldn’t wait to get rid of her. He was negotiating with fathers of eligible sons, tried to minimize the dowry and maximize the gain for his farm.
“I am not going to get married,” she told him.
“You will do as I say.”
“If you try to force me to a marriage, then I, in front of the whole church, will say ‘no’ when the priest asks me if I take the man willingly as my husband.”
Maria’s father knew that she meant it. She was that kind of a person.
“OK, but as soon as you finish school, you are out here.”
Then he had to cancel all those profitable marriage agreements.
Maria also knew that her father would kick her out, and that gave her about a year to decide what to do. To end up as a prostitute in a big city was just as disgusting as marrying a local peasant. She needed to come up with something and come up with it soon.
The main subjects at her school were gospels from the Bible. It was about the only thing they were teaching, and the miracke about the Virgin Mary and the Immaculate Conception sounded interesting. Father Juan, the local priest, was talking about it often in his sermons. “If Virgin Mary could do it, why not I? After all, we have the same name,” Maria was telling herself. With this in mind, one evening she rang the bell at Father Juan’s door.
“Father, can I come in? I have a confession to make,” she asked humbly.
“Cannot it wait till tomorrow? I am busy now.”
“No, it cannot wait. It is really very important.”
He let her in and closed the door.
“What is it?” he asked.
“It is not really a confession; I have a deal for you.”
“A deal? I am a man of God. I don’t do deals.”
“I know, but you wouldn’t want to stay here in this God’s forgotten village for the rest of your life, would you? You want a promotion, like everybody else.”
Father Juan didn’t say anything, so Maria continued.
“Father, do you believe in miracles?”
“Yes, I do.”
“And if a miracle happens here, would it help you to get a promotion?”
“Yes, it would, but I don’t see any miracle happening here any time soon.”
“I do see one. Do you believe in the Immaculate Conception of Virgin Mary?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Well, this is a miracle which can happen here. With your help.”
“With my help? How?”
“You impregnate me.”
Father Juan was first shocked, then furious.
“Get out of here!” he yelled.
“OK, I will, but if you throw me out like this, I will tell everybody that you invited me tonight, you sexually assaulted me and that I had to flee. That wouldn’t look good, would it?”
Father Juan was quiet for a long time. “You are an evil woman,” he said finally.
“And this is an evil place with evil people. I don’t want to stay here just like you don’t want to.”
There was another long silence, then Father Juan asked: “How is this miracle supposed to work?”
“I will be you helper, will bring you food, clean you house and similar. That will give us plenty of opportunity for sex. Then, when my pregnancy will be obvious, you introduce me during your Sunday mass as second Virgin Mary.”
“And you think that people will believe it?”
“Some will, some wouldn’t, but nobody will dare to openly doubt you. After all, you are a man of God.”
That was true. “OK, and then what?” he asked.
“Then the news about the miracle will spread and I presume that your superiors aren’t that stupid to believe it. They wouldn’t want a scandal, so it would be in their interest to get us out of here. You will be promoted, will get a parish in a bigger place and they will put me to some kind of a convent. That will be definitely better than being married to somebody like my father or being a prostitute in a big city. Thinking about it, by impregnating me you would be doing an act of Christian mercy.”
“I was never with a woman before,” was the last weak objection of Father Juan.
“There is always a first time, and that time is now.”
With that Maria took Father Juan by hand, pulled him to the bedroom, took off his robe and underwear and pushed him on the bed. Then she stripped herself naked, kneeled over him, and pushed his pennis inside her. It was bit painful, it was the first time for her too, but it worked. Then, when they finished, Father Juan started to pray, and Maria got dressed.
“We will do it more often,” she promised.
And they did. Maria’s parents were surprised how their daughter suddenly became religious and obedient. “She is growing up,” said her mom. “Look how respectful she is to Father Juan.” Her dad was also pleased and hoped that maybe he could arrange a wedding after all. Father Juan found that his acts of Christian mercy were not that unpleasant. In fact, he liked them more and more, and when Maria finally got pregnant, he was sorry to lose her.
Then came the big day. It was Sunday, the church was full of people and Father Juan made a touching sermon. He talked about miracles, that they can happen even now, and that God rewarded this good catholic village with one. Then he called Maria and, in front of everybody, introduced her as a new Virgin Mary. To say that the parishioners were surprised would be an understatement. The better word would be ‘shocked’. Men immediately started to guess who might have been the cause of the miracle, and women gave a hateful look to their husbands. But there was no reason for suspicion. Maria didn’t have contact with any man except Father Juan, and he was a man of God. It was unthinkable to even think about it.
After the mass, when Maria rejoined her family, she warned her father: “If you even touch me, I will complain to Father Juan that you were harming the new Virgin Mary.” But she didn’t have to worry. Their house was surrounded by fanatical women who were kneeling, praying, and crying in front of their door. The idea that a miracle happened and that there was a saint in their village overwhelmed them. Maria’s family had a hard time to push through the crowd to get home. As Maria predicted, the news spread and soon reached the bishop in the nearest city. He was not overwhelmed, but furious and called Father Juan for interrogation.
“I know what happened, you don’t have to tell me. Normally I would excommunicate you from the church, but I know that both you and Maria are very popular in the village. If I punish you, there might be disturbances, so I will move you to a parish here and will watch you. There will be no other Virgin Mary for you.”
Then the bishop called the mother-superior of the nearest convent.
“Reverent Mother, this is the bishop speaking. Tomorrow they will bring a pregnant woman to your convent. She is officially a new Virgen Marry, so please treat her with respect, but above all, keep the whole thing secret. We cannot afford another scandal; God knows we already had enough of them.”
So, my story ends up with a happy end. Everybody got what they wanted. Maria’s father got rid of her, she avoided a marriage in a village she hated, and Father Juan got a promotion. Everybody was happy, except Father Juan sometimes had spells of sadness. As the bishop made it abundantly clear, there will be no other Virgen Mary for him.